An Update from Fred, the Resident Dog

shutterstock_16252543croppedHey guys!  Fred here.  Just want to check in and give you an update.  All is going well at Marquis on Cedar Springs, and Roxie has completed her move to Dallas from Denver thanks to Renter’s Voice.  Woohoo!  I officially have a girlfriend!  But try to keep it on the DL.  I haven’t quite broken it to all the ladies at the dog park.  I like to keep my options open.

My human also likes to pretend I am some poor sap who can’t get his own lady friend so he can have a reason to flirt with their humans.  Nice, huh.  Blame it on the dog.  Just like how you love to blame me for those horrific smells.

As you know, I seem to have a problem staying out of trouble.

But all those unnecessary rules really make my fur stand up.  The man is always trying to keep me down!  Instead of conforming to what the human society thinks makes a respectable dog, I have come up with a few, what I believe to be, fantastic reasons (ahem excuses) for my behavior.

Tip #1

Trashcan diving is perfectly acceptable.  If you think about, eating from the trashcan is the definition of sustainable living.  I am only doing my part for the environment.  Besides that, if there was nothing good in there, why would you be guarding it with your life?

shutterstock_78575923croppedTip #2

I thought the cat was a chew toy.  It is your fault you buy me actual chew toys similar in size, fluffiness, and squishiness.  It was an honest mistake, and you owe the cat an apology.

Tip #3

Be honest – you need dog shaming material.  I am just trying to make you look good.  I know how much you love to Instagram and #hashtag all the cute (i.e. bad) things I do around our apartment complex, so I’m making sure you have a sufficient flow of material.  And by the way, there is no true remorse behind that sad face you love to photograph.  I put on the act so you can get more likes.  You can thank me with bacon.

That should do it for now.  I can’t give away all my secrets.  Until next time, my friends.

Peace, love, and bacon.


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